We all are falling and need a place to hide.

It's been a long time since I've wasted my social battery effectively. Having time to figure out if I am really finding time to hide from people, or is this what the world calls ' adulting'? When I share my theory regarding my poetic loneliness with my bestie, she always says not to be like that, socialise like you did, talk like you did, walk like you did, you look a little bit drained. I actually felt kind of worried as well, so I felt relaxed being in this situation. Yes, it feels good. It always feels good to stay in your room and read your favourite author and write something about someone who made you smile, laugh, and even cry. It feels good to talk to yourself about your feelings and heartbreak. But sometimes it gets worse. I miss the old me, who always had a lot of stuff to talk about, but somehow I'm actually good now. End of the story.

                               On a kind 'drained out' evening, I was scrolling through my Instagram page, to give myself my usual dose of self appreciation and criticism. I was about to edit my highlights, which I used to share the photos and videos with my friends. I stood stuck in a picture with two of my friends, actually friends I made during our South Indian trip, I guess. I posted that picture with a background score of 'the woods' by Hollow Coves a long time ago. The super talent of every photograph to tell the whole past story does the same sh*t here also. Then i effectively wasted my 2 hours thinking about that truck to the Chickmanglore hills. I was always eager to catch up with the time schedule that we were allowed on that trip to cover the maximum area of each place. So the usual gang of mine were too lazy to do the same. So I used to roam around with these people, the ones I'm with in the photograph. I could easily harmonise with their energy levels. I was so comfy and goofy around them. When we actually reached the topmost hill area of Chickmaglore, the view was so fuckin great. At that moment, I sat there and thought. Oh God, I'm going to miss this place and people so badly'. Yes i do. I also miss one more person in that photograph. That's me. I miss that version of me. It actually made me think and even created self-doubt about my brand new attitude. 

                 Sometimes it's really hard to figure out your sober mind and soul. Do they really exist? Or am I creating people and places and this chaotic yet poetic loneliness inside me? Or am I entering a new place to hide? The adulthood !